The Lone Wolf
I'm a bit of a lone wolf at heart. I'm so used to doing everything by myself and whenever I'm sick or going through something, I retreat and deal with things on my own without people even noticing something was wrong. I've never really had anyone that pushed through the barriers I create and force their way in to help me. On rare occasions I get my parents involved but for the most part I tend toremain closed off and stubbornly independent.
I think it stems from not wanting to be a burden on anyone. And that stems from not feeling confident in myself enough to feel comfortable reaching out. And also from being the "go to" person. The one that rolls their sleeves up and does what needs doing without a second thought. When that's a part of your nature, you tend to just crack on with things without looking for other's involvement.
Sometimes being so independent is a blessing because I feel confident in being able to tackle just about everything life throws at me. But then at times it's a curse because I'm often walking the path alone and lonely. So when people try to get all up in my grill and help carry the load I'm chugging along with on my shoulders, I'm simultaneously excited, amazed, shocked, nervous, uncomfortable, and freaked out all at once.
I know eventually I need to learn to let people in. I know that the way I am makes it hard to befriend me and sometimes even love me. But it's a hard habit to kick so every day I just work on taking it a little bit at a time. I've got some amazing people in my life at the moment who are making it a little easier to come out of my shell. But even still I'm a stubborn little bugger. I've been unwell for a week and only let my family here know today when things got very painful. I got in trouble for not saying anything sooner which is fair enough but I just didn't want to add anymore stress to the stress table. Bad habits die hard hey lol I'll work on it though. And that's all I can do.
Life is never perfect, you just learn how to perfect different ways to cope and get through. Sometimes if you're lucky, there are people that step up and want to guide and support you along the way. And if you're smart, you'll let them.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
I think it stems from not wanting to be a burden on anyone. And that stems from not feeling confident in myself enough to feel comfortable reaching out. And also from being the "go to" person. The one that rolls their sleeves up and does what needs doing without a second thought. When that's a part of your nature, you tend to just crack on with things without looking for other's involvement.
Sometimes being so independent is a blessing because I feel confident in being able to tackle just about everything life throws at me. But then at times it's a curse because I'm often walking the path alone and lonely. So when people try to get all up in my grill and help carry the load I'm chugging along with on my shoulders, I'm simultaneously excited, amazed, shocked, nervous, uncomfortable, and freaked out all at once.
I know eventually I need to learn to let people in. I know that the way I am makes it hard to befriend me and sometimes even love me. But it's a hard habit to kick so every day I just work on taking it a little bit at a time. I've got some amazing people in my life at the moment who are making it a little easier to come out of my shell. But even still I'm a stubborn little bugger. I've been unwell for a week and only let my family here know today when things got very painful. I got in trouble for not saying anything sooner which is fair enough but I just didn't want to add anymore stress to the stress table. Bad habits die hard hey lol I'll work on it though. And that's all I can do.
Life is never perfect, you just learn how to perfect different ways to cope and get through. Sometimes if you're lucky, there are people that step up and want to guide and support you along the way. And if you're smart, you'll let them.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
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