The Ruby Knight Chronicles

One thing I cannot stand is when people take their shit out on other people that don't deserve it. Sure we all have bad days, but that doesn't excuse poor behaviour. I used to be a right selfish cunt like that though. When I was younger. But somehow age and maturity linked up and taught me how to handle my jandal with a little more finesse. If I'm feeling miserable, I sleep. If I'm grumpy, I slee p. If I'm sick, I sleep. So I sleep a lot  😂  but at least I'm not making innocent bystanders wear my shit anymore. I used to be friends with a grown ass woman, who would throw tantrums like a ladybaby making everyone around her feel awkward and attacked. She would often use excuses to justify her outbursts but excuses never outshine the bullshit so eventually everyone ended up drifting away from her. And last I heard she was living in a tiny little unit with no company other than a cat and Netflix. That can't be a very happy or fulfilling life. I actually ...

A snapshot of traumatic/hilarious moments in my life that have ended unexpectedly positively. Thus proving that rock bottom humiliation has surprising benefits, you just have to know how to laugh at yourself first.  I once farted long and loud while sitting in front of the guy I really liked, and a bunch of other kids, and the wind of my ass made the wet togs I was wearing ripple across my left b utt cheek. I thought my chances with hot dude were ruined. Turns out he thought I was funny and the next day we ended up hitting primary school third base; hand holding. I have refused to eat seafood ever since I was a little kid. My parents told me fish fingers were made from chicken. I believed their treachery until I became the brunt of public laughter at dinner one night on a school camp. I proclaimed loudly that I didn't eat fish and then went on to eat fish fingers. I think I was like twelve. Definitely old enough to know better. Bright side is the knowledge that one day I...

I've got a fucked up face so I'm using Snapchat to hide my downfalls  😂 Well. Not really. But I do have a terrible case of acne, particularly on my chin and jawline, that has been plaguing me pretty much since I got back from NZ. I've been on antibiotics for months, all of which haven't helped and have only kicked my butt because I'm really intolerant to them. And because it's been going on for mo nths without getting better, my normal run of the mill acne then went on to become cystic acne, which is not only ugly asf, but very painful too. Huge deep cysts under the skin that you can feel constantly and are very hard to get relief from because of how deep they are. In other words, the motherload. After a myriad of blood tests and doctor visits, I've been told I'm healthy and my hormones are normal so no one really knows what is causing my face to freak out so much. As a beauty therapist I have some idea about how to deal with acne, but everythin...

For any kiwis thinking about traveling across Australia, here's a few handy pointers; 1. Check under every toilet seat. Use your foot for bonus points. Just trust me on this.  2. Don't be afraid to take the road less traveled. Just make sure you've got roadside rescue because sitting in the middle of nowhere in desert-like heat is a wee bit of a holiday downer. 3. Do not swim anywhere unless it's chlorinated. Sharks, crocs, jellyfish and snakes don't seem to like swimming pools. 4. You might think sunblock is for pussies but just wait and see how tough you are when your nipples are peeling. 5. If you're driving cross country, be prepared for a fuck load of nothing. Scenic routes usually mean hours of staring at dirt. 6. Kangaroos suck. Don't let their cute confuse you. They're large suicidal assholes that rejoice in fucking your car's shit right up. Extra tip- drive when the sun is up, roos are apparently scared of the sun. 7. Petrol prices h...

Suicide. We've all been touched by it. We've all witnessed the devastation it creates in our lives. We've all seen the heartache it leaves behind. It's easy to be angry at suicide. It's easy to blame suicide for everything. It's easy to lose sight of why suicide came into your life.  But just remember, suicide isn't the culprit. Suicide is the escape route. The shortcut to relief. The short-term "right here right now" and not the long-term "time heals give it time". Suicide is the easy. When you're so overwhelmed with sadness or regret or pain or anger, that's all you can see. That's all you can think about. That's all you feel. Logic leaves. Hurt overrides. And nothing that should matter, can matter anymore. But you mustn't take suicide personally. Don't let it overcome your feelings for your loved one that's succumbed to it or attempted it. Don't let it make you feel like a failure or a mistake or...

I've been wanting to post about International Women's Day all day and with that post, include a bombass photo with bombass makeup and hair. But unfortunately this girlie has been busy at work. So here's me. All worn out after a long day in the heat of the Australian outback. Makeup half sweated off and hair all a mess. And I don't even care. Because as a woman in 2017, I know there's far greater t hings to worry about than just how I look. So here goes... Last night I watched Married At First Sight. And a groom by the name of Andrew had been talking absolute shit about his bride and then used the excuse of "it was boy's night" in a pathetic attempt to brush his wrongdoings under the rug. And what made it worse was one of the fellow boy's night attendees backed him up in his lies. But before the blood of all ovary-bearing damsels could boil right over, along came a simple country bloke riding in on his white horse armed with truth and justic...

We're such a selfish society. We take everything that everyone says and does and we turn it into being about ourselves. Someone gets 1475357 likes on their post after you've posted something incredibly similar beforehand yet you've only received 4 likes, including a pity thumbs up from mum. Obviously something is wrong with you. Let's disregard the logical facts that said post-copier might have m ore friends/family/stalkers/ etc. Or their Facebook fans might be more proactive than yours. Or they posted at a time when more people would see it than yours. Or a million other reasons that don't actually have anything to do with you or your selfworth or how people see you. But regardless of all that sense and reason, you still take this shit uber personally and get decidedly depressed because post-copycatter is clearly way cooler than you'll ever be. Doesn't that sound like some seriously self-absorbed bullshit? And we do this kind of thing all the time. ...

A lot of men seem to be advocating the "Friends With Benefits' movement nowadays. Which to me is just a man that's keen on all the perks of dating minus the effort of actually committing. It's bullshit fed to us ladies in the hopes that we'll be desperate enough to eat it up. And a lot of us do, because we're confused about feminism and girl sexual power, or we're rekindling a halfassed affair wit h a previous lover, or we're scared of commitment ourselves or we're just plain lonely. But we're selling ourselves short here girls. Remember that old saying about not buying a cow that's giving away free milk. Well. We're the cows. And our milk is far more precious than a 2am drunken text asking "come mine?". Sex is an amazing beautiful powerful thing. And the only thing that makes it better is having a connection that's more than just a physical one. We're being sold relationship propaganda by society, by men and by...

The end of a love affair.  I'm flying back home to Australia this weekend, and I had planned on catching a bus to my ex's house and having him drop me off at the airport after spending a few days with him. But ever since we made those plans, I have been in two minds about it.  I really enjoyed our new years together and would have loved loved loved more time with him.  But... I felt my heart getting sucked right back into that tragic love bubble that it always weasels its way into. And after years of putting my wants before my best judgement, I've finally learnt that I can't keep putting myself into situations where I'm only bound to get hurt. Plus it'd mean 2 less days with my family, who will always be in my life, unlike menfolks. So tonight I text him and fessed up to being the owner of a hopelessly romantically pathetic little heart and that because of that embarrassing little fact, my plans have now changed and my mum will be driving me up to the ai...

My Nan was my hero growing up. I was the first granddaughter and she always wanted a girl herself so she basically stole me from my parents lol I have so many amazing memories with this wonder woman and I'm so blessed to have been given such an incredible grandmother. She's 80 this year. She's had 6 confirmed strokes, is half paralysed, had one hip operation and is fighting off the ugly disease  that is dementia. She's nothing like she used to be. Especially independence wise. But every now and then, when she cracks up laughing or has random memory flashes, the old Nan shines right through. One of the hardest parts about getting older is watching your elders age too. And what makes it worse is when they're struggling just to live day to day. Before I left NZ, my Nan was allocated 28hrs for a caregiver to come look after her while my Grandad is at work. She needs almost full time care as she's getting very confused lately and is very prone to falls, hence...

Something powerful comes from knowing your worth. I've always pretended to have self confidence, but deep down underneath it all, I'm a total shambles. I used to think that if I lost enough weight, had whiter teeth, danced better, had blonder hair, was richer, etc than I'd be beautiful. I'd be desirable. I'd be worthy of love. But I tried all of that. I changed who I was and what I looked like m ore often than a stripper changes gstrings. And none of it changed how I felt inside. I was never good enough. For anyone. Or so I thought. It turns out that I really was just never good enough for myself. But as I approach my 30th birthday, I realise I've wasted so much of my life caring way too fucking much about way too fucking little. And all of that mindguff has done nothing but lead me down dead end streets with dead end results. I've let myself sink into a lovelife limbo in the hopes that my ex will wake up one day and realise he can't live without...

They say when you've moved on from something, it doesn't hurt you anymore. But I think that's bullshit. I had such a good night with my ex last night. But it was twinged with a little something sad. We were getting on famously like old times, laughing at our tragic events of 2016 and reminiscing on our old times. And then the subject of dating came up. So I've obviously been on a few dates mysel f so I apparently cannot expect him to live his life without love. I know, wtf right. But I didn't expect hearing about it to affect me as much as it did, or even at all. It not only surprised me a little, but it made me feel a little down. Now I know we can never be together like we were, because I've got a whole new life in a completely different country to him but mostly because we can openly admit that we're terrible together. Like swimming in the ocean after a vadge wax terrible. But I guess I've always subconsciously fanned this little flicker of ho...

I'm 29. A few years back I forced a drunken pact on an ex that if we're both single by the time I'm 32, we'll have a baby together. It probably seems a bit silly or lacking in sentiment or just batshit crazy to you guys, but I think it's a wee bit genius. I love my ex. I love his values. I think he'd make an amazing father one day. And let's face it, my barren womb is only getting more and more  useless as the years tick by and no babies inhabit it. So fuck convention. Fuck the norm. Fuck what anyone else snickers about behind closed doors, because gossipers are never forthcoming to the subject of their gossip, with their gossip. I want to be a Mum. One day. And if having a "backstop" babymaker means being one step closer to that goal, then I'm riding that crazy train all the way to motherhood. Life is a blank canvas just waiting for you to splash some paint on it. There are no lines to colour between. The are no rules. You just make yo...

I'm ovulating. And I know that not because of some weird app that tracks aunt flow's monthly visitations, but because I'm having a "fuck my single life" moment. Or FMSL. Once a month I get really sooky. Like tempted to text my ex for an obviously disastrous any other time of the month reunion type sooky. Everywhere I turn there's motherfucking couples holding motherfucking hands and being all m otherfucking cute and shit. And then there's me holding my own hand thinking about my cat. For the most part I really dig being a solo senorita, who can spend as much money at Kmart and flirt with as many unsuspecting innocent male bystanders as she likes. But these ovulation-induced relationship pangs really make my single girl spasms start to hurt. And I find myself reevaluating and reimagining every encounter with the opposite sex that I've ever had. Shitty ex-boyfriends become born-again potential hubsters. Drunken foolish one night stands begin to s...

2nd July 2016 Last week I went shopping for a dress to wear for my date with Dita. And after two entire days spent "shopping", I was left empty-handed, disappointed and feeling rather glum about myself.  A few shops had gorgeous dresses, but nothing left on the racks above a size 10. One shop specific to my size (14 and above) had gorgeous dresses, but nothing below $90 (that's nearly a whol e day at work for one freaking dress!). And another shop claimed to have my size but not even the size 16 would encapsulate my curvy body (What the actual fuck?!!). And don't get me started on the amount of shops I walked into and walked out of just as quickly feeling like a disaster at attractiveness once spying the tiny shop attendants wearing the tiny clothes they're selling. The only places that actually fit my size and budget were Kmart and Target, and as much as I love love love these two stores, they didn't exactly have anything Dita-worthy. So why is it so...

2nd July 2016 Word to the wise; don't get sick in aussie if you don't have medicare. So I spent last night in the ER. What started off as a migraine turned into an abscess turned into a severe sinus infection. After 6hrs in the waiting room in pain without painkillers, I was fiiiiiinally taken in to be seen by a doctor. In my 12hr stay, I had to give 3 urine samples (try peeing into a tiny cup 3 times withou t your hand wearing it, those odds are not in your favour), had needles in both arms and eventually the lure pierced through my artery pumping my right arm and hand full of fluids like Nutty Professor style, was given a morphine overdose and had my blood pressure skyrocket to stroke material and then my poor wee heart was thumping harder than a Kardashian on tape which lead to a full blown anxiety attack that I was growled for by a cuntpunch of a nurse (because anxiety is toooooootally something we can control...), gloriously vomited profusely into 2 sick ba...

22nd June 2016 Week three at the gold coast.  What a hard, emotional and rather lonely journey my time in Australia has been so far. I've had to step outside my comfort zone more times than ever before and every day brings a new challenge to rise to. The hardest one is by far having to keep myself to myself. At the moment, I have no friends or family here so most of my free time is spent on my own. I've never f elt so isolated in my entire life. I miss everyone back home beyond words and would do anything for an "everything will be ok, love" cuddle. But beginnings are never easy, especially the big ones, and rewards come from hard work and perseverance, so I'll just keep trucking along like I always do until life gets easier/better. On the flipside, there are many positives that have come from jumping the ditch, and I'm very grateful to the family I live with who have given me the opportunity for a new life. I'm living in a beautiful house and hav...

It's not hard to be a good friend but for some reason, so many of us get it completely wrong. Friendship breakups, or 'friendups' as I like to call them, can be just as damaging and painful as romantic breakups. Yet barely anyone seems to acknowledge them, let alone reflect upon and learn from them. So the vicious friendup cycle is able to continue on and on completely under the radar. I decided  to put together a little list of what I think it takes to be a good friend. The bare essentials to friendship. Of course every bond is different but without these core qualities, just about every friendship will suffer. The first step to having a strong and happy friendship is trust. One of the worst things you could do to a friend is betray their confidence. Once you've destroyed their trust, everything else suffers for it and eventually that friend will drift away. You both need to be able to come to each other with things no one else can or should know about, and...

5th May 2016 Sometimes it feels like you're going backwards regardless of how hard you try to go forward. These are moments where you either sit back crying "why me?" or you dust yourself off and push on even harder.  Today I woke up at 3am with a full on flu. Kept myself in isolation so no one else in the house would get it and at 2pm I was sick of the four walls of my room so got my running gears on and too k it all out on the pavement. On my run I discovered a few things. I'm really reeeeeeally unfit. My sports bra is amazingly supportive. I love pushing myself physically. And now the flu seems to be on the way out. So what started as a meh day ended as a fuck yeah day. Small victories. Until next time, Ruby xx Come see Ruby on Facebook: www.facebook.com/trkchronicles

Come See Ruby On Facebook Do you ever just have days where you feel so unplugged from the world around you? Those days where you try your hardest to reattach to everyone and everything but it seems the harder you try, the more you seem to just drift away from it all. Where you feel like you're drowning underneath this invisible all-encompassing all-consuming blanket of just nothingness and everythingness all at once, and n othing you do can free you from its suffocating grip. You're worthless. Invisible. Villainous. Ostracized. Nothing. And no one even seems to notice just how hard it is for you to breath. No one sees that blanket of fear and guilt and shame and anxiety that's bearing down on you slowly strangling the life from your body. No one recognises your desperate gasps for normality. You're alone. And that's simultaneously the best and worst part of all of it. That's just a glimpse into how it feels to live with depression. A slight scratch o...