Going Under


Do you ever just have days where you feel so unplugged from the world around you? Those days where you try your hardest to reattach to everyone and everything but it seems the harder you try, the more you seem to just drift away from it all. Where you feel like you're drowning underneath this invisible all-encompassing all-consuming blanket of just nothingness and everythingness all at once, and nothing you do can free you from its suffocating grip. You're worthless. Invisible. Villainous. Ostracized. Nothing. And no one even seems to notice just how hard it is for you to breath. No one sees that blanket of fear and guilt and shame and anxiety that's bearing down on you slowly strangling the life from your body. No one recognises your desperate gasps for normality. You're alone. And that's simultaneously the best and worst part of all of it.

That's just a glimpse into how it feels to live with depression. A slight scratch on the surface of the silent suffocater that so many of us succumb to. And the scary thing is, it's as common as having blue eyes. Yet hardly anyone ever talks about it. It's an embarrassment. A weakness. A secret shame. But that's so far from the truth. Having depression doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger than even you could know. Having depression and being able to still function throughout the day makes you a fucking superhero. So grab that blanket that's been weighing down on you and turn it into the goddamn cape that you deserve.

We all fight our own demons throughout our lives. It's time to judge less and empathize more. Having depression is just like having a cold, except there's no social stigma attached to the cold. I have depression. I've had it for years. I'm not ashamed of it. I have no qualms talking about it. And I'll never feel the need to hide it from anyone. I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor.

Until next time,
Ruby xx

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