The Ruby Knight Chronicles

Tonight I decided to drive to the next town and go out for dinner hansolo after dropping my grandparents off at the bowling club. They evidently have a far greater social life than i do with their regular drinking and gambling (how fucking badass is that for two old codgers?!) but that's another story for another day. When I walked into the restaurant, the waitress gave me this kind of funny kind of judgeymcjudgealots look and asked, "Hi there, is it just a table for one or....oh...yeah you're alone hey..." We walk over to my booth. "...it must be hard going out alone?" Yes bitch. I'm all alone in the world, husbandless and childless, I'm failing miserably at this shit, should I just go slit my wrists now? or you could keep plunging that dagger into my heart? "No, I'm used to doing things on my own" "...oh. well that's lucky then. I'll be back shortly with your menus...menu. .." So that was how my nigh...

Things that people do that drive me around the fucking bend that I'm not allowed to punch them in the boob for doing. Episode One. #1 Breathing. Especially through their mouths and that almost-snoring type rasping happens that makes you assume they're sick so you suck it up because they can't help being sick now can they? But eventually YOU get sick... and fucking tired of listening to some asshole's sick breathing so you ask them if they're sick as a subtle hint that their sick breathing is ridiculous but then they say they're not sick and you're just like whaaaaaaaaaat?!! #2 Eating. When they're chewing with their mouths open like some bloody cow chewing cud out in the field in the middle of the wops where said cow's chewing can only annoy other noisy cows chewing cud. #3 Taking too long to do things. Like when you're waiting in line at the petrol station and Martha the server is creating a goddamn lifestory by telling her lifestory to B...