The Ruby Knight Chronicles

One thing I cannot stand is when people take their shit out on other people that don't deserve it. Sure we all have bad days, but that doesn't excuse poor behaviour. I used to be a right selfish cunt like that though. When I was younger. But somehow age and maturity linked up and taught me how to handle my jandal with a little more finesse. If I'm feeling miserable, I sleep. If I'm grumpy, I slee p. If I'm sick, I sleep. So I sleep a lot  😂  but at least I'm not making innocent bystanders wear my shit anymore. I used to be friends with a grown ass woman, who would throw tantrums like a ladybaby making everyone around her feel awkward and attacked. She would often use excuses to justify her outbursts but excuses never outshine the bullshit so eventually everyone ended up drifting away from her. And last I heard she was living in a tiny little unit with no company other than a cat and Netflix. That can't be a very happy or fulfilling life. I actually ...

I've got a fucked up face so I'm using Snapchat to hide my downfalls  😂 Well. Not really. But I do have a terrible case of acne, particularly on my chin and jawline, that has been plaguing me pretty much since I got back from NZ. I've been on antibiotics for months, all of which haven't helped and have only kicked my butt because I'm really intolerant to them. And because it's been going on for mo nths without getting better, my normal run of the mill acne then went on to become cystic acne, which is not only ugly asf, but very painful too. Huge deep cysts under the skin that you can feel constantly and are very hard to get relief from because of how deep they are. In other words, the motherload. After a myriad of blood tests and doctor visits, I've been told I'm healthy and my hormones are normal so no one really knows what is causing my face to freak out so much. As a beauty therapist I have some idea about how to deal with acne, but everythin...

So I jumped on the Netflix bingewatch bandwagon and started watching  13 Reasons Why  and I have to say, I didn't think that it would affect me so profoundly. But it has. I didn't know much about the show before I started watching but I've sat here for ages absolutely hooked. And it's not just because it's a well-written show, it's because it's real. It happens. The suicide rates, especially amon gst our youth, are only further proof that it happens. These are not just statistics. These are real people with real hurts that are so painful that they cannot see past them. The victims are real. And you might think that it doesn't affect you, but it does. We've all been the victims of others. Of words. Of rumours. Of bullying. Everything we do has the potential to affect others, be it good or bad. Everything we do has consequences. The rise of social networking only helped open further the door of social humiliation, social harassment and social h...

Suicide. We've all been touched by it. We've all witnessed the devastation it creates in our lives. We've all seen the heartache it leaves behind. It's easy to be angry at suicide. It's easy to blame suicide for everything. It's easy to lose sight of why suicide came into your life.  But just remember, suicide isn't the culprit. Suicide is the escape route. The shortcut to relief. The short-term "right here right now" and not the long-term "time heals give it time". Suicide is the easy. When you're so overwhelmed with sadness or regret or pain or anger, that's all you can see. That's all you can think about. That's all you feel. Logic leaves. Hurt overrides. And nothing that should matter, can matter anymore. But you mustn't take suicide personally. Don't let it overcome your feelings for your loved one that's succumbed to it or attempted it. Don't let it make you feel like a failure or a mistake or...

We're such a selfish society. We take everything that everyone says and does and we turn it into being about ourselves. Someone gets 1475357 likes on their post after you've posted something incredibly similar beforehand yet you've only received 4 likes, including a pity thumbs up from mum. Obviously something is wrong with you. Let's disregard the logical facts that said post-copier might have m ore friends/family/stalkers/ etc. Or their Facebook fans might be more proactive than yours. Or they posted at a time when more people would see it than yours. Or a million other reasons that don't actually have anything to do with you or your selfworth or how people see you. But regardless of all that sense and reason, you still take this shit uber personally and get decidedly depressed because post-copycatter is clearly way cooler than you'll ever be. Doesn't that sound like some seriously self-absorbed bullshit? And we do this kind of thing all the time. ...

First week of work without the bosses. And fuck my asshole and call me a cowboy, did our first week test us. Day one. Woken up at 330am. Someone smashed the driver's window of our work van. Left the GPS and $200 in the ashtray. Stole some apples and my undies off the line. Bless.  Day two. No real hitches except for finding out that the panty apple thieves also stole knives from the butcher and are on an animal-mutilating, pre-serial killer spree. Mad comforting. New accommodation out of town though. Lush accommodation. My own freaking apartment fit for a queen accommodation even. Day three. Late finish. Drove home in the dark petrified of kamikazee kangaroos. No fatalities with the exception of my nerves. Day four. Some little fucker stole a prop chair. Another late finish. Another white-knuckled drive home in the dark. Day five. Even later finish. No real sales. Feeling like a bullshitter selling bullshit instead of a sales girl selling photos. Still no suicidal marsupials....

It's not hard to be a good friend but for some reason, so many of us get it completely wrong. Friendship breakups, or 'friendups' as I like to call them, can be just as damaging and painful as romantic breakups. Yet barely anyone seems to acknowledge them, let alone reflect upon and learn from them. So the vicious friendup cycle is able to continue on and on completely under the radar. I decided  to put together a little list of what I think it takes to be a good friend. The bare essentials to friendship. Of course every bond is different but without these core qualities, just about every friendship will suffer. The first step to having a strong and happy friendship is trust. One of the worst things you could do to a friend is betray their confidence. Once you've destroyed their trust, everything else suffers for it and eventually that friend will drift away. You both need to be able to come to each other with things no one else can or should know about, and...

5th May 2016 Sometimes it feels like you're going backwards regardless of how hard you try to go forward. These are moments where you either sit back crying "why me?" or you dust yourself off and push on even harder.  Today I woke up at 3am with a full on flu. Kept myself in isolation so no one else in the house would get it and at 2pm I was sick of the four walls of my room so got my running gears on and too k it all out on the pavement. On my run I discovered a few things. I'm really reeeeeeally unfit. My sports bra is amazingly supportive. I love pushing myself physically. And now the flu seems to be on the way out. So what started as a meh day ended as a fuck yeah day. Small victories. Until next time, Ruby xx Come see Ruby on Facebook: www.facebook.com/trkchronicles

  Come See Ruby On Facebook 3rd May 2016 I've been in aussie for about 5 weeks or so now. It was going swimmingly but this week I just can't seem to shake this heavy feeling off from my head and heart. Missing home. Missing my cat. Missing my family. But mostly I'm missing this amazing little guy.  I'm taking things a day at a time but this week is just so not a good week. I feel so out of place, like I don't belong here. Like an intrud er almost. I was really lucky to have my friend and her family take me in, and they've been really great, but I just can't shake this offness. It's like when you go to a party and you don't know anyone and everyone has grown up together and they all have their stories and inside jokes and memories. And you're just like this random loser laughing when everyone else laughs without even knowing what you're laughing about. You try to fit in, and you get little snippets of feeling like a part of the team, b...

Come See Ruby On Facebook Sometimes when everything goes wrong, and keeps going wrong, we get caught up in this vicious cycle of fear and comfort. Fear of change, the unknown, more failure, going it alone. And comfortable in the chaos because it's what we're used to. What we know. What we begin to expect from life. Until you're ready to seek new horizons, your circumstances will never get any better. Sure if you start ane w, you might fail. But even greater; you might succeed. Never be afraid to step out on a ledge in life. Fear is nothing but a limitation you put on yourself. You deserve to live a fulfilling and abundant and amazing life. Stop selling yourself short because you're too scared or too comfortable to get out in the world and chase your dreams. The only wasted life is one filled with wasted opportunities. Be brave. I was a month ago when I decided to move countries and start again, and I've never been happier. Until next time, Ruby xx

Come See Ruby On Facebook 17th April 2016 I'm a bit of a lone wolf at heart. I'm so used to doing everything by myself and whenever I'm sick or going through something, I retreat and deal with things on my own without people even noticing something was wrong. I've never really had anyone that pushed through the barriers I create and force their way in to help me. On rare occasions I get my parents involved but for the most part I tend to remain closed off and stubbornly independent. I think it stems from not wanting to be a burden on anyone. And that stems from not feeling confident in myself enough to feel comfortable reaching out. And also from being the "go to" person. The one that rolls their sleeves up and does what needs doing without a second thought. When that's a part of your nature, you tend to just crack on with things without looking for other's involvement. Sometimes being so independent is a blessing because I feel co...

Come See Ruby On Facebook As much as I like to think I'm a badass warrior bitch queen with full body armour made of dragon's scales and diamonds, sometimes things can still get to me. And more often than not, they're things that appear to be only insignificant and small. But usually they're the last straws. I don't often let the chaos of the world, and of others, enter my life, but some days I'm feeling a little sad or ti red or unwell or I just had a bad day. And on those days I'm weaker than usual. And vulnerable. And these things can then manage to find a way in past my armour and strike me right in the heart. And it hurts more than it should because these seemingly tiny little things have momentum. They're powered by all the other things that have struck me in the past and all the ones that tried to get in to hurt me but couldn't until this one little thing paved the way. And suddenly they've overcome me. And I feel like I'm wounde...

Come See Ruby On Facebook I've never used to be the type of person that would talk about their feelings. I used to think I could get through life like this, until I met my first serious boyfriend. My lack of emotional communication skills often led to some very heated exchanges. I would let my hurts and annoyances fester inside of me until they became too big to contain and would end up erupting in a slew of cursewords and  abuse. It got so bad that my ex felt too scared to talk to me about anything. I knew I had to make a change but I just didn't know how. So with any new venture I take in life, I started slow. I began by being honest with myself about my feelings rather than burying them deep down and forgetting about them until it was too late. I quickly learned that I was a very sensitive person and that people's words and actions affected me deeply and often. At first I thought my sensitivity was a major flaw, but now I know it's one of my greatest st...

All my adult life, I've been the go to person. The rock. The shoulder. The reliable one. The one that pulls up her sleeves to get stuck in and do the hard dirty work. I left my own life and ambitions behind for my ex. I did it again when my parents divorced. And I'm doing it still for my grandparents. I get genuinely upset when others are upset and I try really hard to help out when and how I can. I've sacrificed so much and given so much of myself and life away to others, and it never seems to come back when I need it. I've been so helpful and generous that people just expect it from me now, so acknowledgement and appreciation are seemingly always overlooked. I deal with all my issues and problems on my own, not because I want to, but because no one is ever around when I need them, they only reappear in my life when they need me again. I'm sick of being everyone's doormat and boxing bag. I'm sick of being the one that always misses out so others don...

Today was a fat day. I woke up feeling fat. Every item of clothing that wasn't washing felt uncomfortable on. All my photos from today made me look fat. I felt guilty every time I ate. I kept catching myself holding my tummy like a pregnant chick does with her baby bump so it's pretty obvious that even my self conscious is feeling fat. Wednesday was brought to Ruby by the word 'fat'. Arghhh! Mos t of the time, my weight doesn't bother me. Of course I'd like to have the rest of Scarlett Johansson's body (it's fine Scar, I've got the tits part covered, you're good) but that isn't gonna happen until I'm settled in Aussie and joined up at a gym again. I told myself that my last fortnight in NZ would be worryfree but today just had to go and ruin that. Even when you're a confident curvy mamacita with zero fucks to give, sometimes fucks find you and then they make you give them. So you feel fat. And then fat overcomes you. And all o...

I've been bullied, assaulted, neglected, backstabbed, raped, abused, forgotten, ignored, mocked, harassed, suicidal, broke, sick, unstable and so so so much more throughout my 28 short years. And every time I've gone through something, I've thought it was the end of me.  I'd cry nonstop. Then sleep nonstop. Then eat nonstop. I just never dealt with my issues positively. I wanted people to care fo r me when I didn't care for myself. I wanted to blame the world for what was going on inside of me. I wanted to be the victim. But there was no superhero that came to save the day. Sure people tried to make things better for me but my mindset and attitude ensured they were never successful. Feeling sorry felt too good. Self-pity is a seductive mistress with an addictive hold. As with any addiction, eventually you overcome it, or it overcomes you. I knew I had to save myself. So one day I changed my name so that I could always be my own Knight in shining armour, and then...

Minutes after this photo, I was throwing up my dinner in the toilet. All my life, I've felt like the ugly duckling. And a big part of the reason behind that was being curvier than the other girls. In my mind, curvy meant chubby, and chubby was the opposite of sexy and beautiful. So I did everything possible to try to change the size and shape of my body, including some things I'm now horrified t o admit I ever did. Like binging and purging. I love food. I love how food can bring people together and for someone that's felt incredibly lonely all their life, food became not only a vital social activity, but eventually a mistaken form of comfort. It got to the point where I'd eat when I was sad, angry, celebrating, commiserating, for any reason whatsoever. The weight piled on along with the depression. I had to do something, drastic. Rather than taking away my comfort, I continued to eat, but I'd literally eat myself to the point of feeling sick. The first time ...

You're far more valuable than you think. Have you ever felt like no one would ever notice if the earth just gobbled you up and you were never to be seen again? Have you ever sat in a bathroom at school or work, just to eat your lunch alone without looking like such an outcast? Have you ever been so lonely that you find yourself reaching out to complete strangers online just to have some semblance  of normal human interaction? I have. To all of the above. And there are days when worthlessness and loneliness team up to become a self-esteem super-villain and they just pick away at my guards until I'm completely broken and utterly vulnerable to their negativity. Those are the days when I can't look in the mirror. Where my greatest achievements mean nothing. When nothing anyone says can convince me that I'm worth more than what I'm giving to, and getting for, myself. The days that would never exist if I just believed that I was enough. I've always felt inadequate...

How to win with the ladies: #1 Be a redhead. This is pretty self-explanatory but for those without the magic powers of fiery hair; if a dude's hair is red up top, the girls are going to be constantly picturing his downstairs. Which makes them constantly aroused. Red hair is pretty much a genetic aphrodisiac. #2 Have some sort of link to Harry Potter because it's the erotic fiction novel series of our time. #3 Stare wistfully in the opposite direction of target to give the illusion of mystery and torment. Like you're some mighty fucking sensitive poet boss. Chicks dig that. #4 Have a kitten. Who doesn't like kittens?! That's right. Monsters. Monsters don't like kittens. And monsters fuck you then kill you so you had best be leaving monsters to shady men picking up prostitutes and Charlize Theron. #5 Sing and play the guitar well. Bonus points if you're a redhead and can do this. Extra bonus points if you're a redhead and you're acting as the redh...