No means No means Yes?
I didn't know what no meant, until it was too late.
For such a little word, it is pretty mighty. Often we're taught by the world around us to believe that the word 'no' is something negative. It is the difference between having and not having, doing and not doing. 'No' is the spoiler of unimaginable childhood dreams, of potential whirlwind love affairs and of the continuation of bloodlines. We can begin to fear 'no' and then make the mistake of under-utilising it, with both others, and ourselves.
As much as my family would contend it, I hate confrontation and I try to avoid it at all costs. So often I end up saying 'yes' when I actually really wanted to say 'no'. Usually this means my own wants and needs are put on the backburner as a sacrifice for the wants and needs of someone else. But now as I look back on my life so far, I realise just how much I've given up, and just how little I've got in return for it all.
Before I found my first love, I tried to find it in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. I'd often wake up in a strange bed with a strange man and have no recollection of how I got there or what I did the night before. I thought lust was the pathway for love, but now I think it's actually the other way around. For years I sacrificed my body and emotional wellbeing for a few hours of what I thought was love. I should have said 'no' to sleazy men and their advances. I wish that I had respected myself more, especially when the ones around me didn't respect me at all. But now I've finally begun to love myself unconditionally without needing others to do it for me and I can confidently decline and withstand any attempt at making me feel less than I know I'm worth.
Over the years of my one and only real relationship, I was offered not one, but two, amazing childhood dream jobs. I ended up turning them both down for the sake of spending time with a boyfriend that never really wanted to give me time back. I should have said "no" to myself and my over-romanticised ideals and just taken the jobs instead. I have learnt now that if you have to choose between your dreams and a person, then they had better be damn well worth it. Don't give up your future for someone who might just end up being your past.
'No' might feel like a bad thing, but if you learn how to use it the right way, it can do you a world of good. Don't be scared or ashamed to put yourself first, to respect yourself, to chase your dreams. You only get this one life right now to go everywhere you want to go and be all the things you want to be. One chance to do it all. Don't squander it because of the fear of one little word.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
For such a little word, it is pretty mighty. Often we're taught by the world around us to believe that the word 'no' is something negative. It is the difference between having and not having, doing and not doing. 'No' is the spoiler of unimaginable childhood dreams, of potential whirlwind love affairs and of the continuation of bloodlines. We can begin to fear 'no' and then make the mistake of under-utilising it, with both others, and ourselves.
As much as my family would contend it, I hate confrontation and I try to avoid it at all costs. So often I end up saying 'yes' when I actually really wanted to say 'no'. Usually this means my own wants and needs are put on the backburner as a sacrifice for the wants and needs of someone else. But now as I look back on my life so far, I realise just how much I've given up, and just how little I've got in return for it all.
Before I found my first love, I tried to find it in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. I'd often wake up in a strange bed with a strange man and have no recollection of how I got there or what I did the night before. I thought lust was the pathway for love, but now I think it's actually the other way around. For years I sacrificed my body and emotional wellbeing for a few hours of what I thought was love. I should have said 'no' to sleazy men and their advances. I wish that I had respected myself more, especially when the ones around me didn't respect me at all. But now I've finally begun to love myself unconditionally without needing others to do it for me and I can confidently decline and withstand any attempt at making me feel less than I know I'm worth.
Over the years of my one and only real relationship, I was offered not one, but two, amazing childhood dream jobs. I ended up turning them both down for the sake of spending time with a boyfriend that never really wanted to give me time back. I should have said "no" to myself and my over-romanticised ideals and just taken the jobs instead. I have learnt now that if you have to choose between your dreams and a person, then they had better be damn well worth it. Don't give up your future for someone who might just end up being your past.
'No' might feel like a bad thing, but if you learn how to use it the right way, it can do you a world of good. Don't be scared or ashamed to put yourself first, to respect yourself, to chase your dreams. You only get this one life right now to go everywhere you want to go and be all the things you want to be. One chance to do it all. Don't squander it because of the fear of one little word.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
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