Smoking Not

I've always had a lot on my plate. I'm the sort of person that goes out of my way to help others and that usually means others go out of their way to find me when they need help. When you're constantly the go-to person, it can all get a bit much at times so you need to be able to give yourself some sort of release. And for over a decade, smoking was my release.

Whenever I was stressed; I'd smoke. Whenever I was happy; I'd smoke. Whenever I was sad; I'd smoke. After meals. Before bed. In the car. While drinking. After errr... adult activities. During a run even. Smoking had started off as a rare social thing and slowly but surely, it had crept its way into all areas of my life. I was so hooked that even when I was in the hospital, I found a way to sneak out for a puff. I knew something had to change.

I don't even know the exact day that I quit but it's over 6 months ago now. It wasn't a special day. I think it might have been a Sunday. I don't even remember having my last smoke. But I do remember how hard that first week was though. I decided to stop cold turkey. I didn't want to use patches or gum or anything because I wanted to be able to say "it was all me". And it was that attitude alone that got me through the worst of it.

In that first smokefree week, I thought about smoking more than all the other times in my life combined. The little stresses in life that I use to smoke away, became giant monstrous ordeals. I was irritable, over-emotional, suffering from bad migraines, not eating very much, sleeping even less than my usual measly 4hrs each night and I was a woman about to snap at any given moment. I felt like the incredible hulk. I could feel all the rage and sadness and smokefree craziness just bubbling away under the surface but I couldn't do anything. I nearly brought a packet of my precious Holidays at least a handful of times that first week. The only thing that stopped me? Sheer stubbornness.

I told Facebook that I had quit. Everyone knew. I was held accountable. I was encouraged by other born again nonsmokers. I avoided being near smokers. I told all the shopkeepers they weren't allowed to sell me smokes anymore. I thought about all the money I was saving on smokes and what I could use it on at Kmart instead. If my cravings got too bad, I'd go to bed to sleep through them. By some small miracle, I managed to get through that first week of hell. And once the week was up, I knew that was the end. I wasn't going to waste that week of torment by ever lighting up again. And as each week passed, it became easier. I started thinking about smoking much less, however, I still had random cravings and I still longed for one every time I drove my car (that was the place I smoked the most) but I didn't let it beat me. And eventually weeks turned into months and now I'm half a year without a smoke.

The only way you'll ever do something is if you first decide to do it and then follow through on it. Life can get really tough, and sometimes you think you're about to break, but it's usually those moments in life where you find out just how amazing and strong you are. Quitting smoking is hard, but dying of lung cancer is harder. You always think it won't be you, until it is you. I chose to quit for the kids that I didn't even have, they deserve a Mum that is around for as long as she can be around for. Find a reason to stay motivated and anything is possible.

Feel free to share your story and advice below#warriors 💪💋

Until next time,
Ruby xx