Bully is What Bully Does


I've been bullied, assaulted, neglected, backstabbed, raped, abused, forgotten, ignored, mocked, harassed, suicidal, broke, sick, unstable and so so so much more throughout my 28 short years. And every time I've gone through something, I've thought it was the end of me. 

I'd cry nonstop. Then sleep nonstop. Then eat nonstop. I just never dealt with my issues positively. I wanted people to care for me when I didn't care for myself. I wanted to blame the world for what was going on inside of me. I wanted to be the victim.

But there was no superhero that came to save the day. Sure people tried to make things better for me but my mindset and attitude ensured they were never successful. Feeling sorry felt too good. Self-pity is a seductive mistress with an addictive hold.

As with any addiction, eventually you overcome it, or it overcomes you. I knew I had to save myself. So one day I changed my name so that I could always be my own Knight in shining armour, and then I set in motion a plan to change my life. I started with addressing the immediate issues in my life that made me slip into the victim role, like quitting smoking and letting go of an eating disorder. And soon I'll tackle the biggest depressant in my life; my environment. If you want better, you have to make it better. Better isn't given through entitlement, that's pity.

All the things that knocked me down will no longer keep me down. I deserve to be happy and I'm going to work hard to make sure I get what I deserve. I'm no longer a victim. I'm a survivor.

Until next time,
Ruby xx

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