A Journey Through Style
When I was a teenager, I was OOOOOBSESSED with Marilyn Manson. Everything that man did, I was all over. I loved how he was unapologetically insanely different to everyone and everything. I always felt like a black sheep to not only my family, but to the world, and for some reason, it always made me feel inferior and unworthy. So when I found Manson, his music and musings became the catalyst that not only allowed, but encouraged, me to fly my freak flag high. I was weird yet wonderful and unashamed of my uniqueness for the first time in my life. I reveled in the spotlight that came from being the odd bod, the goth kid, the weirdo in black, the loser, the raven haired freak. I was finally comfortable and confident in myself. I went from wallflower to a walking Halloween tribute practically overnight. People used to point and stare, but it didn't bother me, in fact, it gave me a bit of a thrill.
And then Manson married Dita Von Teese. And naturally my obsession grew to include my hero's wife. Back then being a pinup was as socially awkward as being an emo or goth, and I think that was part of the initial charm for me. I adored Dita. She made me want to dress like a sexy lady. To embrace my curves. To use my curves. I learnt the art of seduction and tease from her books. And slowly but surely, my unisex metalband memorabilia wardrobe was replaced with tight and sexy dresses and skirts. Back then, Dita was much more a sex idol/sex worker than a vintage fashion icon, and I was happy to follow in her flirty and dirty footsteps. I hadn't really dated much, but when I started to dress provocatively, I realised the 'power' I had over men, and that power gave birth to my libido. I loved being seductive. I loved being able to have just about any man I wanted. I was immoral in my seductions, often bedding boyfriends and even husbands. And every boyfriend I had of my own, was cheated on without a second thought. My lust was insatiable and my wardrobe reflected it. I'm so glad there wasn't Facebook around back then, I shudder at the thought of my stripper-styled clothes and hooker-styled lovelife. I kept this lifestyle up for a few years, until the night I was raped. That was when I realised I needed to make some changes in my life.
After the rape I started to revert back to my wallflower ways. I wanted to fade away into the background and my wardrobe consisted of the bland and the boring. Dresses became a thing of the past and jeans and hoodies were staples. I hid my body away. I lost the love I had for it. I started to feel ugly and unwanted and worthless again. And then a man told me he loved me, and I realised I wasn't this horrible person that I had convinced myself I was. The love of my ex helped me rediscover my zest for life, and with my happiness came colour and femininity to my wardrobe. I started to dress proactively again, but this time it was only for my man and not every man. During the years we were together, my fashion sense remained mostly the same. Jeans were still a BFF but dresses made a comeback. I didn't really have a specific style, I basically just wore what was comfy because I was comfy. But when we broke up, I had yet again lost my sense of identity.
And then I found Dita again. She was guest starring in one of those crime investigation shows and her clothing had evolved from naughty striptease and burlesque stage outfits to 1950s ladylike cupcake pinup. I instantly fell in love with her circle skirts, elegantly styled hair and immaculate makeup. I got on Google and spent hours looking at fashion from the Forties and Fifties. I studied pinup makeup and watched tutorial after tutorial on YouTube. I knew I had finally found my style. And by reinventing myself, I rediscovered myself. I stood out like anything in my big swishy dresses and bright red lippy, but I didn't care, and eventually it began to give me that buzz of being different again. When I got dolled up, I felt invincible. My red lippy became my signature. And to this day, my wardrobe is a mix of pinup and rockabilly with the odd splash of comfort and casual.
Clothing has always been powerful to me. It can make or break your confidence and it is often a direct reflection of who you are and where you're at in life. I've reinvented myself and my wardrobe several times throughout my 28 years, and each change was due to a change in my life. I'm not sure if I'll still be dressing like Dita by the time I turn 30, but for now it's the style I feel most identifiable to and confident in. People like to believe that what we wear doesn't matter, but our clothes give so many blatant clues to our personality and our mood, that only the ignorant would fail to recognize. Being different and dressing different are both two great joys of being human. Clothing is an artform, a creative expression and an extension of who we are in the world. Take a look at what you're wearing right now, and think about the message your outfit is sending out to others. And if the message isn't right or doesn't match the sender, you can easily change it by getting changed. And when you change your clothes, you can change your life.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
And then Manson married Dita Von Teese. And naturally my obsession grew to include my hero's wife. Back then being a pinup was as socially awkward as being an emo or goth, and I think that was part of the initial charm for me. I adored Dita. She made me want to dress like a sexy lady. To embrace my curves. To use my curves. I learnt the art of seduction and tease from her books. And slowly but surely, my unisex metalband memorabilia wardrobe was replaced with tight and sexy dresses and skirts. Back then, Dita was much more a sex idol/sex worker than a vintage fashion icon, and I was happy to follow in her flirty and dirty footsteps. I hadn't really dated much, but when I started to dress provocatively, I realised the 'power' I had over men, and that power gave birth to my libido. I loved being seductive. I loved being able to have just about any man I wanted. I was immoral in my seductions, often bedding boyfriends and even husbands. And every boyfriend I had of my own, was cheated on without a second thought. My lust was insatiable and my wardrobe reflected it. I'm so glad there wasn't Facebook around back then, I shudder at the thought of my stripper-styled clothes and hooker-styled lovelife. I kept this lifestyle up for a few years, until the night I was raped. That was when I realised I needed to make some changes in my life.
After the rape I started to revert back to my wallflower ways. I wanted to fade away into the background and my wardrobe consisted of the bland and the boring. Dresses became a thing of the past and jeans and hoodies were staples. I hid my body away. I lost the love I had for it. I started to feel ugly and unwanted and worthless again. And then a man told me he loved me, and I realised I wasn't this horrible person that I had convinced myself I was. The love of my ex helped me rediscover my zest for life, and with my happiness came colour and femininity to my wardrobe. I started to dress proactively again, but this time it was only for my man and not every man. During the years we were together, my fashion sense remained mostly the same. Jeans were still a BFF but dresses made a comeback. I didn't really have a specific style, I basically just wore what was comfy because I was comfy. But when we broke up, I had yet again lost my sense of identity.
And then I found Dita again. She was guest starring in one of those crime investigation shows and her clothing had evolved from naughty striptease and burlesque stage outfits to 1950s ladylike cupcake pinup. I instantly fell in love with her circle skirts, elegantly styled hair and immaculate makeup. I got on Google and spent hours looking at fashion from the Forties and Fifties. I studied pinup makeup and watched tutorial after tutorial on YouTube. I knew I had finally found my style. And by reinventing myself, I rediscovered myself. I stood out like anything in my big swishy dresses and bright red lippy, but I didn't care, and eventually it began to give me that buzz of being different again. When I got dolled up, I felt invincible. My red lippy became my signature. And to this day, my wardrobe is a mix of pinup and rockabilly with the odd splash of comfort and casual.
Clothing has always been powerful to me. It can make or break your confidence and it is often a direct reflection of who you are and where you're at in life. I've reinvented myself and my wardrobe several times throughout my 28 years, and each change was due to a change in my life. I'm not sure if I'll still be dressing like Dita by the time I turn 30, but for now it's the style I feel most identifiable to and confident in. People like to believe that what we wear doesn't matter, but our clothes give so many blatant clues to our personality and our mood, that only the ignorant would fail to recognize. Being different and dressing different are both two great joys of being human. Clothing is an artform, a creative expression and an extension of who we are in the world. Take a look at what you're wearing right now, and think about the message your outfit is sending out to others. And if the message isn't right or doesn't match the sender, you can easily change it by getting changed. And when you change your clothes, you can change your life.
Until next time,
Ruby xx
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