The Ruby Knight Chronicles

The funniest/most horrifying thing just happened to me. I was standing in front of the mirror in my ugly strapless bra and granny panties. My uterus is all swollen because period so I pushed my gut right out and then I took a photo pretending to be preggers. As you do.  Anyways... Because I'm such a retard and don't know how to work my phone properly I just sent that photo accidentally to the da te that probably won't be a date now. 😭 😭 😭 😭 😂 😂 😂 #singleforever

2nd July 2016 Last week I went shopping for a dress to wear for my date with Dita. And after two entire days spent "shopping", I was left empty-handed, disappointed and feeling rather glum about myself.  A few shops had gorgeous dresses, but nothing left on the racks above a size 10. One shop specific to my size (14 and above) had gorgeous dresses, but nothing below $90 (that's nearly a whol e day at work for one freaking dress!). And another shop claimed to have my size but not even the size 16 would encapsulate my curvy body (What the actual fuck?!!). And don't get me started on the amount of shops I walked into and walked out of just as quickly feeling like a disaster at attractiveness once spying the tiny shop attendants wearing the tiny clothes they're selling. The only places that actually fit my size and budget were Kmart and Target, and as much as I love love love these two stores, they didn't exactly have anything Dita-worthy. So why is it so...

5th May 2016 Sometimes it feels like you're going backwards regardless of how hard you try to go forward. These are moments where you either sit back crying "why me?" or you dust yourself off and push on even harder.  Today I woke up at 3am with a full on flu. Kept myself in isolation so no one else in the house would get it and at 2pm I was sick of the four walls of my room so got my running gears on and too k it all out on the pavement. On my run I discovered a few things. I'm really reeeeeeally unfit. My sports bra is amazingly supportive. I love pushing myself physically. And now the flu seems to be on the way out. So what started as a meh day ended as a fuck yeah day. Small victories. Until next time, Ruby xx Come see Ruby on Facebook: www.facebook.com/trkchronicles

I've always had a lot on my plate. I'm the sort of person that goes out of my way to help others and that usually means others go out of their way to find me when they need help. When you're constantly the go-to person, it can all get a bit much at times so you need to be able to give yourself some sort of release. And for over a decade, smoking was my release. Whenever I was stressed; I'd smoke.  Whenever I was happy; I'd smoke. Whenever I was sad; I'd smoke. After meals. Before bed. In the car. While drinking. After errr... adult activities. During a run even. Smoking had started off as a rare social thing and slowly but surely, it had crept its way into all areas of my life. I was so hooked that even when I was in the hospital, I found a way to sneak out for a puff. I knew something had to change. I don't even know the exact day that I quit but it's over 6 months ago now. It wasn't a special day. I think it might have been a Sunday. I don'...

Today was a fat day. I woke up feeling fat. Every item of clothing that wasn't washing felt uncomfortable on. All my photos from today made me look fat. I felt guilty every time I ate. I kept catching myself holding my tummy like a pregnant chick does with her baby bump so it's pretty obvious that even my self conscious is feeling fat. Wednesday was brought to Ruby by the word 'fat'. Arghhh! Mos t of the time, my weight doesn't bother me. Of course I'd like to have the rest of Scarlett Johansson's body (it's fine Scar, I've got the tits part covered, you're good) but that isn't gonna happen until I'm settled in Aussie and joined up at a gym again. I told myself that my last fortnight in NZ would be worryfree but today just had to go and ruin that. Even when you're a confident curvy mamacita with zero fucks to give, sometimes fucks find you and then they make you give them. So you feel fat. And then fat overcomes you. And all o...