The Ruby Knight Chronicles

Have you ever thought about what you want to do with your life? I mean, asides from the regular every day stuff like having a job, being a parent, catching all the Pokémon before your friends, being the best stripper in the club, etc Like what do you really really really really wanna zigazigahhh? Maybe you have dreams of eating different cheeses in every country of the world. Or perhaps you want to learn how to breakdance and be back up for Beyonce. Or maybe you have dreams of world domination. Yes I'm talking about the big stuff. The memoir worthy shit. The things you used to fantasise about as a child. Somewhere along the way, being an adult seems to dull the shine of our thoughts of grandeur. We end up focusing on the boring basics, like how am I going to pay rent or who the fuck keeps leaving the toilet seat up?!! We get distracted. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, because successful adulting generally requires our full attention, but it's usually not until...

I've got a fucked up face so I'm using Snapchat to hide my downfalls  😂 Well. Not really. But I do have a terrible case of acne, particularly on my chin and jawline, that has been plaguing me pretty much since I got back from NZ. I've been on antibiotics for months, all of which haven't helped and have only kicked my butt because I'm really intolerant to them. And because it's been going on for mo nths without getting better, my normal run of the mill acne then went on to become cystic acne, which is not only ugly asf, but very painful too. Huge deep cysts under the skin that you can feel constantly and are very hard to get relief from because of how deep they are. In other words, the motherload. After a myriad of blood tests and doctor visits, I've been told I'm healthy and my hormones are normal so no one really knows what is causing my face to freak out so much. As a beauty therapist I have some idea about how to deal with acne, but everythin...

#1 Money is like sex, you only miss it when you don't have it. So just have lots of it. Money and sex. Two birds one tip. Problems solved.  #2 Every ex you've ever had will never have better than you. It's a fact. Don't stalk them on Facebook OK. Just trust me. Their new partners suck. Probably. #3 No one gives a shit about what kind of car you drive. Unless it's a monster truck. Bitches love monster trucks. #4 Chocolate is not the enemy. Chocolate-wannabe sultanas are. Stop the chocolate hate crime  #freethechocolate #5 Everyone's genitals look funny. It's for entertainment purposes. Icebreakers if you will. Why else would we have them?! #6 Farting silently and acting innocent is still one of the funniest things one can do with excretions from an orifice. Unless you laugh your drink out through your nose. That shit is funny. #7 Cellulite is the Braille version of bedroom eyes. #8 Anyone who receives an unauthorized vision rape by way of dick pic, ha...

So I jumped on the Netflix bingewatch bandwagon and started watching  13 Reasons Why  and I have to say, I didn't think that it would affect me so profoundly. But it has. I didn't know much about the show before I started watching but I've sat here for ages absolutely hooked. And it's not just because it's a well-written show, it's because it's real. It happens. The suicide rates, especially amon gst our youth, are only further proof that it happens. These are not just statistics. These are real people with real hurts that are so painful that they cannot see past them. The victims are real. And you might think that it doesn't affect you, but it does. We've all been the victims of others. Of words. Of rumours. Of bullying. Everything we do has the potential to affect others, be it good or bad. Everything we do has consequences. The rise of social networking only helped open further the door of social humiliation, social harassment and social h...

For any kiwis thinking about traveling across Australia, here's a few handy pointers; 1. Check under every toilet seat. Use your foot for bonus points. Just trust me on this.  2. Don't be afraid to take the road less traveled. Just make sure you've got roadside rescue because sitting in the middle of nowhere in desert-like heat is a wee bit of a holiday downer. 3. Do not swim anywhere unless it's chlorinated. Sharks, crocs, jellyfish and snakes don't seem to like swimming pools. 4. You might think sunblock is for pussies but just wait and see how tough you are when your nipples are peeling. 5. If you're driving cross country, be prepared for a fuck load of nothing. Scenic routes usually mean hours of staring at dirt. 6. Kangaroos suck. Don't let their cute confuse you. They're large suicidal assholes that rejoice in fucking your car's shit right up. Extra tip- drive when the sun is up, roos are apparently scared of the sun. 7. Petrol prices h...

Yesterday marked a huge anniversary for me;  ONE ENTIRE YEAR IN AUSTRALIA! I never thought that I'd survive this far away from my family and friends but after the hellish first six months came an amazing following six months. I love my life and I've never been so happy, even if I'm sometimes homesick. This past year I've made some incredible friends, landed the most insanely satisfying and rewarding job with the best bosses anyone could ask for and found a second family that loves and supports me unconditionally. I've traveled across the country, seeing and doing things I never thought possible. I've overcome humongous hardship and heartache, with the help of three very special ladies that I'm so lucky to have in my life. I've seen the Queen Dita Von Teese perform live and hugged a koala, knocking two things off my bucket list in a matter of months. I've booked and paid for an amazing holiday coming up in six months where I'll meet my Mum...

I've been wanting to post about International Women's Day all day and with that post, include a bombass photo with bombass makeup and hair. But unfortunately this girlie has been busy at work. So here's me. All worn out after a long day in the heat of the Australian outback. Makeup half sweated off and hair all a mess. And I don't even care. Because as a woman in 2017, I know there's far greater t hings to worry about than just how I look. So here goes... Last night I watched Married At First Sight. And a groom by the name of Andrew had been talking absolute shit about his bride and then used the excuse of "it was boy's night" in a pathetic attempt to brush his wrongdoings under the rug. And what made it worse was one of the fellow boy's night attendees backed him up in his lies. But before the blood of all ovary-bearing damsels could boil right over, along came a simple country bloke riding in on his white horse armed with truth and justic...

The funniest/most horrifying thing just happened to me. I was standing in front of the mirror in my ugly strapless bra and granny panties. My uterus is all swollen because period so I pushed my gut right out and then I took a photo pretending to be preggers. As you do.  Anyways... Because I'm such a retard and don't know how to work my phone properly I just sent that photo accidentally to the da te that probably won't be a date now. 😭 😭 😭 😭 😂 😂 😂 #singleforever

Do you know what grinds my girl gears more than anything? That successful women HAVE to be beautiful women. Just about every female "role model" that we have is usually famous for being good looking. Yet their male counterparts seem to have been excluded from this beauties-only club. But why?  Why do females have to feel attractive in order to feel powerful? Why are there so many superficial conditions thrust upon our sex? And what can we do to make a positive change for ourselves, and the women we know and love? Just about every photo I post, goes through a rigourous "will men still want to sheetsaddle me after seeing this photo?" check... Pimples? Photoshop. Eyebags? Photoshop. Extra lumps and bumps? Photoshop. Just plain ugly? Photoshop. No friends/life outside of Netflix? You guessed it. Photoshop. The rise of social networking has given more push on the rise for appearance perfection. It's most evident in our disgust at being tagged in photos that l...

Someone once told me that I expected too much from a partner. And it got me thinking, maybe I do and that's why I'm still single? So here's a few things I'd like from the future Mr Knight, and if it's asking too much, y'all better let me know or the SPCA will be fresh outa cats #1 He needs to be funny as fuck because it can't be left to me to carry us both. #2 He needs to be patient as fuck. Because me. #3 He needs to be caring as fuck because I'm a sensitive needy little fucker that needs more attention than a newborn. #4 He needs to be randy as fuck to be able to keep up with me. Batteries are too damn expensive! #5 He needs to be stubborn as fuck to be able to outdo my Ox-like will. #6 He needs to be frugal as fuck to withstand my shopping spree storms. #7 He needs to be Henry Cavil as fuck. Because Henry Cavil. #8 He needs to be understanding as fuck especially when we're running late and I make us later because fuck you eyeliner. #9 He...

A lot of men seem to be advocating the "Friends With Benefits' movement nowadays. Which to me is just a man that's keen on all the perks of dating minus the effort of actually committing. It's bullshit fed to us ladies in the hopes that we'll be desperate enough to eat it up. And a lot of us do, because we're confused about feminism and girl sexual power, or we're rekindling a halfassed affair wit h a previous lover, or we're scared of commitment ourselves or we're just plain lonely. But we're selling ourselves short here girls. Remember that old saying about not buying a cow that's giving away free milk. Well. We're the cows. And our milk is far more precious than a 2am drunken text asking "come mine?". Sex is an amazing beautiful powerful thing. And the only thing that makes it better is having a connection that's more than just a physical one. We're being sold relationship propaganda by society, by men and by...

Something powerful comes from knowing your worth. I've always pretended to have self confidence, but deep down underneath it all, I'm a total shambles. I used to think that if I lost enough weight, had whiter teeth, danced better, had blonder hair, was richer, etc than I'd be beautiful. I'd be desirable. I'd be worthy of love. But I tried all of that. I changed who I was and what I looked like m ore often than a stripper changes gstrings. And none of it changed how I felt inside. I was never good enough. For anyone. Or so I thought. It turns out that I really was just never good enough for myself. But as I approach my 30th birthday, I realise I've wasted so much of my life caring way too fucking much about way too fucking little. And all of that mindguff has done nothing but lead me down dead end streets with dead end results. I've let myself sink into a lovelife limbo in the hopes that my ex will wake up one day and realise he can't live without...

I've dated the nicest guy in the world. A man that opened my car door, brought me flowers on every date, was incredibly kind and compassionate, genuinely cared about me, messaged me in the morning to wish me a happy day and messaged me at night to find out all about my day. He was perfect. On paper. But even just writing this, I can't help but.... <YAAAAAAWN> Poor bloke. There was absolutely noth ing wrong with him. But there's clearly a defect in my man-liketh muscle. I turn my nose up at the nice guys, I wish I didn't, life would be fuckloads easier if I didn't. Unfortunately I like the bad guys. The ones with a streak of asshole in them. The ones you know not to bring home to your parents. The ones that always break your heart. So what the fuck is my problem?!! Clearly I know the nice guys are the better bet, but try as I might, eventually I end up walking right over them and then walking away. So it got me thinking about men. What kinds of categori...

They say when you've moved on from something, it doesn't hurt you anymore. But I think that's bullshit. I had such a good night with my ex last night. But it was twinged with a little something sad. We were getting on famously like old times, laughing at our tragic events of 2016 and reminiscing on our old times. And then the subject of dating came up. So I've obviously been on a few dates mysel f so I apparently cannot expect him to live his life without love. I know, wtf right. But I didn't expect hearing about it to affect me as much as it did, or even at all. It not only surprised me a little, but it made me feel a little down. Now I know we can never be together like we were, because I've got a whole new life in a completely different country to him but mostly because we can openly admit that we're terrible together. Like swimming in the ocean after a vadge wax terrible. But I guess I've always subconsciously fanned this little flicker of ho...

Week five on the road. First proper lazy day off in a week. Slept in until 8:30, now I'm sitting in a rainforest having coffee. My job definitely doesn't get boring. Last time I posted I was heading to Townsville. The Chilean couple I was traveling/working with left and my boss Alf arrived up to work with me. We left Townsville and drove the 4hrs north to Cairns where we enjoyed a few lazy days,  restaurant meals and 59 million cups of coffee. We then drove 12hrs north east to Weipa, which included 2hrs drive in torrential rain at night with kamikaze kangaroos and dirt roads that resembled rivers more than roads. Stayed a few days there before heading right up to the very top of Australia, to a little place called Bamaga. We had beachfront accommodation which was stunning, if you ignored the fact that the water was filled with crocodiles. A few days later and we were back in Cairns where Alf swapped places with his wife Tash. Us two girls hit the road again and ended up i...

At 17 I met the love of my life. At 28 I walked away from him forever.  The love never died. A year on and I still love him. I still catch myself thinking about him and missing him. But it's far too late and there's far too much water that's crossed under too many bridges to ever be reunited again.  We never learnt how to let our egos go. We never learnt how to be a team. We just didn't know how  to get past our disagreements and arguments, so they haunted us well past being done. Little mistakes became mountains of pain and hurt. Small and petty became life-ruining big. And eventually love just wasn't enough anymore. The last time I saw him, I was getting in my car and had this dull beating pain in my heart. I knew after 9yrs this would be the last time. My mind rushed back through the years of love and happiness. I got out of my car and wrapped my arms around him. He stood there awkwardly. I didn't want to let go, but I had to. This hug wasn't a big e...

27th June 2016 Drama llama. We all know at least one. If you've been living under a solitude rock and don't know what a drama llama is, let me enlighten you;  "Hey Barbara, how was your day?" "The universe hates me" "Ohhh, why do you say that Barbsy?" "I broke a nail. Chris won't text me back after I accused him of cheating on me. He reckons he was just taking his Mum to the doctors but I'm pretty sure the doctor is a girl and no doubt she's hot so of course he's just finding excuses to see her, I'm not buying this "mum's got pneumonia" nonsense he's trying to sell me. And if that's not bad enough, my car battery went flat because the sodding lights didn't turn off when i got out like I'm sure that's a manufacture fault, what kind of idiot made lights that stay on when you're not even in your damn car. And my beautician went on maternity leave the selfish tart and so now ...

26th June 2016 I learnt 3 things this weekend; #1 not everyone that cares, listens. #2 not everyone that listens, doesn't care. #3 not everyone that karaokes, sings. If it wasn't for the random yet much-needed invitation out to karaoke night by a lovely young chap, and pita pit (can't get enough of the stuff) the weekend would have been a bit of a bust really (after a full day spent searching for a Dita dress to no avail). I had so much fun on my surprise excursion that I even ended up singing in front of the room full of inebriated strangers, much against the advice from my brain and much to do with the encouragement from fellow karaokers and alcoholic beverages. I had resigned myself to weekends and free time spent mostly alone with Cookie Cats (like candy crush but with cute cats  🐈 ) and was ready for bed before 8pm last night. And then along came a friendly albeit completely unexpected message inviting me for a night out, in the hopes that I wouldn...

22nd June 2016 Week three at the gold coast.  What a hard, emotional and rather lonely journey my time in Australia has been so far. I've had to step outside my comfort zone more times than ever before and every day brings a new challenge to rise to. The hardest one is by far having to keep myself to myself. At the moment, I have no friends or family here so most of my free time is spent on my own. I've never f elt so isolated in my entire life. I miss everyone back home beyond words and would do anything for an "everything will be ok, love" cuddle. But beginnings are never easy, especially the big ones, and rewards come from hard work and perseverance, so I'll just keep trucking along like I always do until life gets easier/better. On the flipside, there are many positives that have come from jumping the ditch, and I'm very grateful to the family I live with who have given me the opportunity for a new life. I'm living in a beautiful house and hav...

It's not hard to be a good friend but for some reason, so many of us get it completely wrong. Friendship breakups, or 'friendups' as I like to call them, can be just as damaging and painful as romantic breakups. Yet barely anyone seems to acknowledge them, let alone reflect upon and learn from them. So the vicious friendup cycle is able to continue on and on completely under the radar. I decided  to put together a little list of what I think it takes to be a good friend. The bare essentials to friendship. Of course every bond is different but without these core qualities, just about every friendship will suffer. The first step to having a strong and happy friendship is trust. One of the worst things you could do to a friend is betray their confidence. Once you've destroyed their trust, everything else suffers for it and eventually that friend will drift away. You both need to be able to come to each other with things no one else can or should know about, and...