Friending Up Is Hard To Do

It's not hard to be a good friend but for some reason, so many of us get it completely wrong. Friendship breakups, or 'friendups' as I like to call them, can be just as damaging and painful as romantic breakups. Yet barely anyone seems to acknowledge them, let alone reflect upon and learn from them. So the vicious friendup cycle is able to continue on and on completely under the radar.

I decided to put together a little list of what I think it takes to be a good friend. The bare essentials to friendship. Of course every bond is different but without these core qualities, just about every friendship will suffer.

The first step to having a strong and happy friendship is trust. One of the worst things you could do to a friend is betray their confidence. Once you've destroyed their trust, everything else suffers for it and eventually that friend will drift away.
You both need to be able to come to each other with things no one else can or should know about, and trust that it remains between the two of you only. Trust is the be all end all. Once there's trust, there's a solid foundation for everything else. But once that trust is gone, pretty soon everything else begins to follow suit. Don't repeat anything your friend tells you. Don't give your friend a reason to question their trust in you. Your friend has chosen you to give their trust to, and that decision did not come lightly. Prove you deserve that trust and you will always have someone you can trust in return.

The next thing any good friendship has is good communication. This means being able to come to each other with anything and everything without the fear of rejection or judgement. If your friend has an issue with something you've said or done, you'd want them to be able to discuss it with you before it escalates into a full on unrepairable friendship-killing problem. Being able to talk to your friend without limitations or insecurities will give the friendship a better chance to blossom on longterm. Having an open and honest channel of communication takes away the guesswork so that you always know exactly where you stand. You should never be afraid to tell your friend anything, and vice versa.

Another thing a strong friendship needs is loyalty. Loyalty means having someone in your corner regardless of what fight life throws your way. Having a loyal friend means having a safety blanket in the world, because no matter what happens, you know you've got someone there for you when you need them. Having that assurance means having more confidence in your step. Loyalty, or lack thereof, is another big friendup contributor though. For some reason a majority have misinterpreted loyalty as being something fleeting or changeable, something they only have to do when it suits them. So when the going gets tough, so do they. But that's exactly the opposite to what real loyalty is. You need to be loyal to your friend regardless of how hard that loyalty might be. It's the bones of friendship and the difference between having an acquaintance and having a BFF.

And lastly, a happy and healthy friendship needs a bit of fun. Being so serious all the time can be pretty exhausting so you need to be able to let your hair down and let loose with your bud whenever the occasion calls for it. Having fun together helps make everything else in the friendship glide along more smoothly. It gives you the chance to forget your troubles, to lighten the mood, to enjoy life together. Being a good friend means putting a lot of work into the friendship, but the fun you get to have together is one of the payoffs that makes it all worth it. Seize any and every opportunity to have fun because they will help thread the memories of a long and happy friendship together.

Until next time,
Ruby xx

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